Life's Answers to having a partner

As I sit here at school with not much to do since it is the last week of the semester, I am chatting with a fellow co-worker and we have come up with life's answers to having a spouse. This means what you can and can not do once you are tied to someone else.

First

We decided that once you start dating someone it gives you the right to be angry and mean to them all you want. That is part of becoming partnered. Under NO circumstance are you allowed to lie to them. You can yell and bitch all you want, but you best not lie. That is punishable under death. Leaving things out is a cousin to a lie, hence you will die from your lie.

Second

When you start coitus with your special someone this opens up all possibilities to become bitter. They even as much as look at someone else you can turn on your anger and start yelling at them in public causing a huge scene like when Britney Spears went crazy and shaved off all her hair.

Third

When you decide that you want to move things along and start living together, now is the time to start snooping. You now share the same living quarters, so of course you are allowed to be checking up on them now. You now have permission to look through their text messages, pants pockets, email, and phone bills.

Fourth

Dum Dum Duh Dum, Dum Dum Duh Dum.... Next comes the talk and planning of your marriage. Once you both say the "I DO", you now have the right to start your lies and deceit. The minute you kiss your partner you are bounded for life. With this life sentence you now have, you are stuck together through thick and thin, life and death, lies and truth. Little lies, white lies, leaving parts of stories out... all part of the package.

Fifth

Lastly, when you find out that you are about to have kids-either through adoption or natural measures- this gives you full reign to go out and sleep with anyone else you want. Once kids become involved, you need to keep your sex drive active, and there is no other way to do that then to go out and be with as many OTHER people as you can.


My fellow co-worker and I believe that these are valid points. If you are to believe anything other than what we put here you will live in denial of life's greatest passion.